Logic Has Gone Out The Already Smashed Window
On the London Underground there are signs by the escalators, stating:
Dogs must be carried on the escalators.
Now, I read that and think that if you wish to use the escelatorial facilities then you will need to find a kanine companion to take with you on your travels, otherwise you are stuck at the ticket office looking forlornly towards the platforms. This is going to cause all sorts of problems on the tube trains. For example, during rush hour the trains are packed with many people standing up, either becuase there are no seats or they are too disgusting to use. Now imagine each of those people with a dog. Not just one of those stupid “celebrity” dogs that they keep in a handbag, nooooo, someone would have to bring a rottweiler or German shepard or something. The speeds of trains will also drop dramatically. If there are, for the sake of arguement, 30 people in a carriage, then the average mass of the carriage would be 2100kg. If each of these people is also carrying a dog so they can use the escalators then the mass goes up to 3150kg, excluding the mass of the carriage. This is an increase of 1050kg per carriage, and if there are, say, 5 carriages connected to each locomotive then that is a total of 5250kg of extra mass per each train. Has anyone calculated the problems that could be caused by an extra 5.25 tonnes of mass on each and every London Underground train?
The same applies to my school bus. There is a sign next to each window which reads:
Use hammer to break glass.
The lack of the words “In event of an emergency”, or specifiying which hammer and what glass could lead to catastrophe. I am sure many kids think they are being advised to go home, get some DIY tools and start smashing the Champagne flutes. You could also apply it solely to the bus. Given no time frame, I would presume the driver wants this job carried out ASAP, which would explain the breeze running through the bus every day.
The presumption is made that the population has common sense. WRONG. Common sense is not common at all, and in fact is probably one of the rarest things in the world, even ahead of a Monster Raving Loony Party general election victory (although this is looking more and more likely). There is a book entitled “Eats, Shoots and Leaves” which illustrates this point quite well, as the title demonstrates.
Common sense is not expected, it seems, from shoppers however. Many instruction manuals and leaflets contain gems such as “Please do NOT immerse this plasma TV in boiling, used chip fat.” and “Please do NOT consume or otherwise ingest your new lawnmower.” and finally: “Please do NOT suck on the power cord for this device.”. That last one is quite worrying. I mean all of the situations they describe and advise you to avoid are pretty unlikely anyway, but the last is probably one we are taught from a young age. Electricity is dangerous and it does not provide a very appetising meal.
October 12th, 2006 at 4:11 am
As a result, my rolly chair isn’t protected from Acts of God. If some sort of deity came raging in tomorrow, obviously the first thing to go is going to be my chair.
I remember one warning in particular though: my Poptarts package said “Do not microwave”. I only read this after my Ppoptarts were on fair and I was mourning their loss
October 12th, 2006 at 4:16 am
And apparently I can’t spell with one hand, so let’s try that again:
*Poptarts, *fire.