Rob’s Blog

I know it’s not specifically tested on the driving test, either in the Theory or Practical sections, but a basic grasp of numbers is something many drivers seem to be in need of. Somewhere between 29 and 31 is a number many drivers seem scared of. Come on, “thirty” is not a bad word. As a number it’s quite nice: atomic number of zinc, lowest Sphenic number, number of days in June. But for some reason people don’t like to drive at it.

I don’t really understand why people have this trouble. Generally, when you’re driving at 30mph you are only travelling a short distance. Speeding up does not really gain you much time, yet greatly increases your chances of death. Also, considering most people’s skills (and I use that term most loosely) behind the wheel, I would recommend most are limited to a maximum speed of 3mph and a pair of comfortable shoes.

For the benefit of people who seem to have a right foot made of lead, you can lose your licence for travelling at 50mph in a 30mph zone, along with a £1000 and being forced to take your test again. Worth getting to the shops a bit quicker for? I think not.

Next point. Has anyone noticed those big stripey bits painted on the road with big orange flashing lights on the pavement next to them? We call those zebra crossings. Traditionally, the rule has been that pedestrians have right of way, especially if they are already on the crossing. The rule is not “speed up and swerve dangerously around two pedestrians”. Especially when you’re in a bus full of passengers. I’m looking at you Stagecoach. Try fitting your buses with brakes and telling your drivers how to use them. It’s much the same as that accelerator they love so much, they just need to move their foot a few inches to the left.

Finally, is it that much efford to move your left hand an inch or so to reach the indicators? They’re very helpful. They tell people what you’re doing so you don’t all crash into each other. If you’re worried they’ll run out if you dare to ever use them, try sticking your arm out of the window instead. Or did you not bother reading that bit of the Highway Code? It also prevents me screaming at you as you drive into me at the junction between The Queen’s Drive and Stocker Road because you’ve failed to use your indicators, ignored the Stop signs, sped up the hill and haven’t bothered to look before pulling out.

Sorry for that rant, but when I’m driving I manage to keep to the rules and not kill people. Yes, it always seems to surprise people when I say that. I recommend the following plan of action:

1. A national plan to repair all the clearly broken speedometers;
2. A campaign telling people to glue their indicator stalks back on;
3. Replacing those road signs that light up if you speed past them with Stinger strips that activate if you speed past them;
4. A policy of providing all pedestrians with shotguns to shoot motorists that clearly don’t know what the Highway Code is.

Depending on the effectiveness of this policy, there are further steps that could be taken. For example, large spikes that prod the driver if they exceed the speed limit fitted to all cars. Or tyres made of jelly that deteriorates above 30mph. Or coating the wheels of speeders’ cars with nitrogen triiodide.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 9th, 2009 at 12:14 pm and is filed under Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.